(during a game of Scrabble)
Allen: What are you doing, Lee? That's not a word.
Lee: Yes it is. H-A-R-P. Harp.
Allen: That says "H-R-A-P."

"What's the matter, Lee? You don't like getting your muffler cleaned?"

Evan: Hey, guys...my friend Wayne...
Hurl: Shut the fuck up Evan.

(While Will is telling a stupid story about roller coasters)
Evan: Anyone want to go to McDonald's?
Brett: They're closed.
Evan: I know, but anything's better than being here.

Will: Give me a piece of paper and I'll show you how to write shorthand.
Evan: I don't fucking care.

Some little annoying kid: One day that's gonna pop, and you're gonna shit your pants.
Evan: I'll make you shit your pants.

"I'm gonna read the hell outta this book."

"Look at my big beautiful ass!"

"I...like...men."

"I need to get my butt-fucking brain straight."

"I can toss salad."

Ken (referring to the scratches on Noe's arm): Ah ha, your cat fucked you up!
Noe (pointing at Rachelle): Actually it was her.

"Well, if Vegeta sucks [webmaster's note: Vegeta does not suck] then I know I'm not cool."

"[webmaster's note: It is impossible to create the full effect of this unless you were there] (in a gay, lispy tone) Because I say so!"

Hooman: You can go get your drink.
Lee: I would like a Sprite with no ice.
Hooman: Carry your ass over there...and get your drink.

"Lee wrestles? Damn! He must be heavy weight!"

(directed to Ken) "You mess up my menus again, you're going back to McDonald's."